today i

December 14, 2014 § 2 Comments

got up early

drank water

cleaned the house

cleaned the car

vacuumed the car

did the laundry

swept the porch

front and back

swept the path

washed the dishes

ate my cereal

took my morning

pills

for once.

Today i

worked on report

responded to email

went for a run

started blog entry

gave a ride

went to a meeting

went to my parents’

ate my dinner

took a bath

and all my evening pills

for once.

And after all that

i still yearned

to be loved

and understood

and longing

still churned

and thundered

in my chest

like doom.

Today i

finished my entry

took his call

heard the distance

in his voice

heard him not know

heard him not say

i love you

listened to dharma

and cried

and cried

and sat with the pain

and said things like:

may i let it be okay

and may i be free

and i am grateful

for this chance

to be useful today.

and only then

did i make contact

with what doing

would not let be

only then did i touch

the cheek of my longing

with tenderness

only then did i stroke

the back of my grief

only then did i feel loved

only then understood.

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